Brittney Griner reveals she thought about killing herself multiple times while she was rotting in a hellhole Russian prison

Brittney Griner has revealed she considered taking her own life multiple times when detained in a Russian prison following her 2022 arrest.

The WNBA superstar had been sentenced to nine years in a Russian prison after being caught with a cannabis oil cartridge while returning to Russia to resume playing for her European team, UMMC Ekaterinburg, in February 2022. 

She was freed in a 1-for-1 swap with Russian arms dealer Viktor Bout in December 2022 that has since been criticized for its failure to return Paul Whelan, a US Marine imprisoned on espionage charges in 2018.

However, before she could be released, Griner considered taking her own life with the conditions in the Russian penal colony leaving her feeling 'less than human', she revealed to ABC's to Robin Roberts. 

'I wanted to take my life more than once in those first weeks,' she said in the sit-down interview on 20/20: Prisoner of Russia Wednesday night. 'I felt like leaving here so badly.'

'I didn't think I could get through what I needed to get through. I definitely thought about it,' she added about considering suicide.

'But then, I was just like, what if they didn't release my body to my family? And I was like, I can't put them through that. I have to endure this.'

Griner's thoughts of suicide came in the town of Yavas in Mordovia – a region known for its prison camps.

The basketball superstar detailed the shocking conditions she had to endure, including finding a 'big-a** knife' left lying in her cell when she first entered. 

'When we walk into the cell, there's a bathroom. There's a little rinkity sink that leaks and then just add a layer of dust, dirt, grime, blood stains. Just filth,' she said. 

'I had a couple of shirts, a couple of pairs of sweats, the shoes on my feet,' she continued. 'One of my shirts, I ripped it up and I used one to clean myself. I used one as my toilet paper. With my dirty, dirty hole in the ground with feces all over it. 

'That was the moment where I just felt the dirtiest and, like, less than a human.' 

Griner also revealed that the pitiful food the prisoners were given to eat included cement-like porridge and little pieces of fish 'with nothing but bones in it'. 

However, the worst experiences came when the prisoners were allowed time outside she explained. 

'You're supposed to have 15 minutes outside,' she said. '15 minutes sometimes is two hours. It's a blizzard. It's cold. It's winter. You're getting snowed on. 

'And those days were the toughest because it's like, "Yo, come get us." We're yelling. We're screaming. We're rattling the bars, get us in the house, get us in.' 

Griner confessed to wrestling with the guilt of feeling like she had let down her family, including her police officer father, and 'tarnishing' the Griner name - something which she is still battling with today. 

'I don't think I've really gotten through all the way,' she admitted. 'That I didn't let down everybody and my family. I think I'm still trying to get through that part.'

'I try to give myself grace,' she continued. 'Everybody says give yourself grace. It's so hard for me to do that. At the end of the day, it's my fault. And I let everybody down.'

Griner had been arrested at an airport in Moscow, with Russian authorities claiming she was caught entering the country with vape cartridges containing cannabis oil, which is illegal in Russia.

'My whole heart just fell out of my body. Just this overpowering feeling of like an elevator dropped from underneath my feet. I'm just like, my life is over right here.

'In the midst of them going through my bags, there's two cartridges. And I'm just like, "oh, my god, how did I make this mistake?" 

'How was absentminded and made this huge mistake? I could just visualize everything I worked so hard for just crumbling and going away.' 

The center, had played in Russia for seven years during the WNBA offseason to provide a greater living for her family with her salary in the American league five times less than what she made overseas.

But Griner, who said she didn't want to travel to Russia on the day, blamed her 'mental lapse' of leaving the cannabis cartilages in her bag on panicked packing.

'I did not want to go but I could just hear my dad and what he instilled in me - you finish what you start,' she told Roberts. 

'I was late getting up,' she went on. 'I'm never late getting up. [I] Finally got up. [I'm]Literally running around the house. I'm stressing. I go into straight panic mode.' 

Griner was put in a detention center near Moscow until November of that year, when she was moved to an undisclosed prison. 

The basketball star was then taken to a penal colony in Mordovia, a Russian region roughly 300 miles southeast of Moscow, to serve her nine-year sentence on drug charges.

Eventually, in December 2022, the 6-foot-9 WNBA champion and two-time Olympic gold medalist was was freed in a prisoner exchange for arms dealer Viktor Bout.

Griner recently re-signed with the Phoenix Mercury - her only WNBA team - ahead of this year’s Olympics in Paris. 

But this summer will also see the 33-year-old welcome her first child with Cherelle. 

Griner and Cherelle, who first got engaged in 2018, announced that they are expecting their first baby together. 

'Can’t believe we’re less than three months away from meeting our favorite human being,' Cherelle Griner wrote on Instagram last month. 

She posted a photograph of her and Brittney holding hands as well as scans of the baby, alongside the hashtags '#BabyGrinerComingSoon' and '#July2024'.

Griner previously had twins with her ex-wife and fellow WNBA player Glory Johnson in 2015 but they divorced just a year later. 

For support call Samaritans on 116123 in the UK or visit www.samaritans.org, or the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline on 988 in the US.